Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Approval Seekers and Why We Don't Give Approval

Dale Carnegie in his book, How To Win Friends And InFluence People, said it best:
“They will let their families or employees go for six days and six weeks, and sometimes sixty years without giving them the heart appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food.”
Carnegie argues that there are four basic necessities, not three. They are food, water, shelter and a feeling of importance. Most people agree with this premise, but hardly follow it. Now that we've explored giving approval, how about the people seeking approval. What's up with them?

I found an interesting website: www.guyfinley.com. Finley is the article of the book Fearless Living. I'm not a follower of Finley, but I learned a lot from a Q/A section on his website, which talks about approval seekers and their internal thoughts on getting/seeking approval:

Question: I sense that I am imprisoned by a deep need for others to like me, to approve of me. How can I free myself from this need?

Answer: Looking for ourselves in the eyes of others throws us behind the walls of a psychic prison. The door slams shut each time we find ourselves feeling good about ourselves simply because someone has given us a needed nod of approval. Whenever someone approves of us, it gives us a feeling we like. These silent emotions tell us that we're good, wanted, or in some way important. But the real pleasure in these sensations is that it secretly serves to strengthen the way we want to feel about ourselves, that we're worth being cared about, and that our existence has meaning.
Interesting points that Finley makes here...

Now, of course there are the approval seeking freaks and those that take it to the extreme... A la the movie Cable Guy...

But most of us don't...

Now you importance of giving approval and the rationale behind those seeking approval. What changes for you?

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